Chocolate Chess Pieces

(Due to popular demand…)

In chess with chocolate pieces, the aim is to eat your opponent’s pieces before he eats yours. This choccy chess set (pic below) reads like some kind of sexy come-on: “these seductively smooth Belgian chocolates”. Huh? Somehow, chocolate, chess, and sex just don’t go together, do they? Please tell me they don’t…
Choccy chess set

Here’s a much tackier version (click the picture below, if you dare). I can imagine kids all over the world saying: “Oh wow mummy, you have spared at nothing to delight us with these authentic, silver-wrapped pieces! Not only am I now staying in to play chess, but I am pigging out on chocolate too! Heart-attack at 35, here I come!”
It “features” (hardly the word…) such tasty treats as Nestle’s Crunch Bites or Mom’s Surprises, or even Ferrero Rocher (“Oh, Garry, with deese pawns you are spoiling us.”)
Chocco horrors

On a slight detour, why stop at chocolate, when you can have beer chess pieces!
(Their motto: Boldly going where no chess has gone before.) This picture is scary. What if you’ve guzzled down all your opponent’s pieces, you’re about to mate him, er, and you fall over on your face from extreme drunkeness! Obviously, the guy with the glasses has done just that, because he has the tell-tale tape around the frame. Mind you, he would be advised to feign extreme drunkeness in front of that beefy bruiser with the tatoos.
Beery chess

And, by the way, can you notice the table upon which you have to play the chess game?

While I’m on the topic, let me explain the First Law of Chess Advertisement. This states quite categorically, that “you absolutely must make sure to place the pieces the wrong way round for the expensively-assembled photo-shoot.” The Second Law of Chess Advertisement goes like this: “You must ban all people who know the basic rules of chess from coming within a hundred yards of the photograph, or have any dealings with editing or publishing the photograph.”

Lastly, the Third Law of Chess Advertisement is not a law of chess or of advertisements at all, but a law of physics and has been demonstrably proved to be as fundamental a law as E=Mc2 or the first and second laws of thermodynamics. It is that in any randomly assembled chess set, the right-hand bottom square is always black. Always. See below for more proof of the universal constant:
Chess set wrong again! What do we do?

4 Comments

  1. Susan said,

    August 30, 2007 at 3:01 pm

    Do the fishnet fingerless gloves come with the Beer Chess Set or are they an optional extra?

  2. shazgood said,

    August 30, 2007 at 3:16 pm

    They’re extra. They enable you to hold the beer can upright even while totally drunk.

  3. Chessterr said,

    October 23, 2008 at 8:54 pm

    At almost all photo’s the board is 90 degrees wrong!


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