Smart bombs, intelligent bullets

Another US first: artificially-intelligent ammunition. You can fire a bullet directly at any target and the bullet decides whether the target is a terrorist or not. Those it discovers to not be terrorists, or has the slightest doubt about, it leaves unharmed by releasing a chemical solvent that dissolves metal instantly, thus rendering the bullet completely harmless! Magic. And it solves all moral problems by ensuring no collateral damage, ever.

I can reveal, completely exclusively, a drawing of this intelligent bullet, or Intelli-Bullet (c) for the first time:
intelligent-bullet.gif

It allows them to do things like the following:
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/rtrs/20070808/tpl-uk-iraq-43a8d4f_5.html
“BAGHDAD (Reuters) – U.S. and Iraqi forces killed about 30 people in raids in Baghdad’s Shi’ite slum of Sadr City on Wednesday, the U.S. military said. Iraqi and Coalition Forces killed 30 Special Groups Cell terrorists and detained 12 suspected terrorists during operations Wednesday in Sadr City,” the U.S. military said in a statement.”

You see! All 30 people killed were “Special Groups Cell terrorists” and all 12 detained were only “suspected” terrorists. Amazing! But only because of the amazing Intelli-Bullet(c).

Intelli-Bullets don’t come cheap. Each one costs a staggering $75,000. But it is worth it, to bring those folks to justice.

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8 Comments

  1. Susan said,

    August 8, 2007 at 1:25 pm

    The bullet tip is a bit wobbly.

  2. shazgood said,

    August 8, 2007 at 1:30 pm

    It’s winking at you…

  3. Tony D said,

    August 8, 2007 at 10:24 pm

    americans ! what will they think of next

  4. David said,

    August 9, 2007 at 3:53 am

    Yeah Susan, it’s a beta bullet. The arms contractor mixed DNA from a sperm and a cigarette and the results are shazgood’s expert drawing. We have the most innovative thinkers here in the USA. You think of something, and we’ll come up with the most efficient way to kill it. Or if we can’t kill it, we’ll come up with packaging that will make it irresistable to the “consumer”.

  5. shazgood said,

    August 9, 2007 at 1:10 pm

    The drawing is accurate.
    You see, the bullet’s brain is composed of an ultra-heavy, neuronal-simulating, radioactive isotope code-named Beta-Himup. It is so heavy that it causes the bullet to sag at the bottom. However, the upside is that the wobbly tip causes the bullet to spin through the air, which causes it to emit soundwaves. Engineers have created a bullet that can emit the Star Spangled Banner as they fly through the air. If the bullet is self-destroyed, it begins to emit the words “Have a nice day”…

  6. David said,

    August 10, 2007 at 3:35 am

    They say that when you hear the Star Spangled Banner, you have only about 7 seconds left to live. And when you hear that “Have a nice day” your eardrums actually are bursting into Dust.

  7. sku said,

    January 19, 2008 at 10:27 pm

    load of rubbish. the bullet doesnt fire out the cartridge as well!
    its the tip of the bullet that’s supposed to be fired!

  8. hauhau said,

    June 21, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    THIs is bullshit:))) This is a big lie dna =))) =))) you hear that? Stupid americans really belive that the army has that ;))


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