If Ryanair ran a sandwich bar…

…they’d advertise them as costing 1c each.

When you’d go to buy them, they’d tell it you it was actually €6.41. When you ask why, they’d tell you that it is composed of the following:

Basic sandwich  €0.01
Wrapper   €0.30
Government tax  €0.60
Butter   €0.20
Fillings  €1.50
‘Freshness’ fee  €0.20
Insurance levy  €0.50
Labour   €1.00
VAT   €1.10
Handling fee €1.00
Total   €6.41

Seeing as you’ve been suckered in, you decide to go ahead and buy it anyway. “That’ll be €6.81 please”, they’d say. Ah, six euros eighty one? “I thought you just said it was €6.41!” you’d say. It is, they say, but now that you’re actually buying one, we need to charge a booking fee.

After paying over the €6.81, they then would get you to run across the sandwich shop to fight with the other customers over the sandwiches. First come, first served. Egg sandwich anyone?

After picking it up, and dusting off the remains of a stale chicken deluxe from your shirt, you’d ask them if they have a seat where you can sit down and eat your sandwich. That’d be €3 please, they’d reply. €3 for a lousy seat! They’d answer: if you’d ordered the seat with the sandwich, it would only have been €2!

Okay….so you decide to pay the €3. “That’ll be €3.50 please” would be the answer. Not wanting to ask why, you just pay it over.

Finally, after all of that, you’d sit down and unwrap the sandwich. At least I can eat, you’d think to yourself. Then you’d hear a voice in the background saying, “Sir, if you’re going to actually eat that sandwich, you need to pay the ‘eating fee’…”

Aaaaargh!

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1 Comment

  1. August 11, 2007 at 1:04 am

    Don’t be too hard on them: maybe Ryanair is raising money to hire a decent website designer. As it stands, it looks like they tried to make their website ugly on purpose.

    To be fair, the taxes and some of those charges they don’t have much control over. Working for an airline in the States, I can think of a few markets where the government levies are higher than the fare. A $45 ticket (which, at current exchange rates, is something like €6) from Nassau to Fort Lauderdale has $63 in taxes, which must be a nasty shock to the uninitiated.


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