Dog days

American billionaire Leona Helmsley has left $12 million to her pet dog Trouble in her will. What class! 

So, what is a dog to do with such monies? There are only so many nail manicures, doggy treats, shampoo and washes, that one dog can get.

I suggest: morning walks accompanied by a team of security personnel; a selection of deletable girl-doggies at his beck and call; only the freshest of red meat for dinner; personalised, gold-enamelled poop scoopers; little doggy choo-choo trains to bring him around his estate; champagne baths; and personalised doggy number plates on the Rolls Royce to bring him to his favourite parks. Topped off with a solid-gold, diamond-encrusted coffin when he enters her mausoleum.

What puzzles me is: does he pay inheritance tax? I mean, is there a law that says all dogs have to pay tax at all? Dunno. I guess that would be a question for the lawyers.



  1. David Levine said,

    September 5, 2007 at 12:35 am

    Just when you’re thinking that the “queen of mean”, as Mrs. was called here in the center of the consumer universe, couldn’t POSSIBLY come up with anything more horribly ostentasteless and ubersnobby, she leaves her money to her fucking dogs. Probably she was hoping that it could be all piled up so that the dogs could PISS on it. That would show us POOR LITTLE PEOPLE how miserable we really are, wouldn’t it? Makes ya wish she was still alive enough to kill all over again, after robbing her, of course. Ooh. Did I write that out loud?

  2. shazgood said,

    September 5, 2007 at 3:37 pm

    David, I notice your comments are getting angrier lately. Are you going through a particularly tough time at the moment? (I ask this without irony!). Hope everything is dandy…

  3. David said,

    September 6, 2007 at 11:23 am

    Actually yes. Work is at a most difficult juncture. Though I’ve long had an unfair prejudice (as opposed to a fair one!) against the very wealthy. Things should be dandy again in a month or so.

    Thanks for asking.

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