Neoblogisms

The New York Times has a fun article on the invention of new words – neologisms. I love this myself, having coined a mass of new words for blogs here and here. I’ve decided to call these new words neoblogisms.

Apparently, ginormous is a neologism (and one of my favourites!) – the contraction of gigantic and enormous. It somehow expresses the biggerness of something. Humongous even.

One I never heard of before but will start using is Googlegänger: “the other person who shows up in Google search results when people search for you”. Every time people search for me (the real me that is…not Shazgood…) they get a slightly famous actor in the English tv series The Bill. My girlfriends Googleganger is a more famous, real serial mass murderer…honestly!

They say that this is a word in search of a definition: mucknut. How about “people who visit music festivals in July in Ireland” …see the picture below!

oxegen-tents.jpg

One we coined during our recent “winter of builders” was “glumpy”. A mix of gloomy and grumpy. Catches the weight of it perfectly, don’t you think! Kinda lumpy, heavy, down. Thankfully, the builders eventually left and we’re grand now.

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I CAN HAS PEAZE?

I hate I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? I hate it.

There, I said it. I feel much better now.

Must calm down, must calm down…

Infinite Library

I read Jorge Luis Borges’ classic short story, The Library of Babel, recently. In it, he postulates the existence of an infinitely large library of books stretching for mile upon mile in every direction, filled with large books all written in one language. The story explores all sorts of philosophical and psychological questions, such as meaning, knowledge, language, understanding, and reasoning. I got thinking then about this story and the Internet. Isn’t the blogosphere either that infinite libary (not literally infinite, but approaching such inordinate size as to be practically infinite for any one reader) or something approaching it? With all that daily typing, all the 1,110,019 blogs on WordPress (as of today, June 22nd), and all the other blogs on all the other blog hosts, aren’t we approaching a situation where – in effect – we have an infinite library of text?

This is like the infinite number of monkeys typing out a Shakespeare play, if given long enough. Assuming that the average blogger has more intelligence and foresight than the average monkey (a safe assumption…eh?) then you’d think that that mass of people would be capable of producing a couple of masterpieces between them, at least. Is there any evidence of it yet? I don’t know, I have only started in this blogging game…haven’t seen it yet though.

I can’t help but quote Borges himself on this library and what it would contain: “Everything would be in its blind volumes. Everything: the detailed history of the future, Aeschylus’ The Egyptians, the exact number of times that the waters of the Ganges have reflected the flight of a falcon, the secret and true nature of Rome, the encyclopedia Novalis would have constructed, my dreams and half-dreams at dawn on August 14, 1934, the proof of Pierre Fermat’s theorem, the unwritten chapters of Edwin Drood, those same chapters translated into the language spoken by the Garamantes, the paradoxes Berkeley invented concerning Time but didn’t publish, Urizen’s books of iron, the premature epiphanes of Stephen Dedalus, which would be meaningless before a cycle of a thousand years, the Gnostic Gospel of Basilides, the song the sirens sang, the complete catalog of the Library, the proof of the inaccuracy of that catalog. Everything: but for every sensible line or accurate fact there would be millions of meaningless cacophonies, verbal farragoes, and babblings. Everything: but all the generations of mankind could pass before the dizzying shelves — shelves that obliterate the day and on which chaos lies — ever reward them with a tolerable page.”

Brilliant. Simply a genius. Read that last line again – is that a vision of the internet today?

I propose a simpler way to produce a new Shakespeare-type play. Solve world poverty, introduce universal education, promote a love of beautiful language and an appreciation for drama in every citizen of the world, get robots and machines to do all the drudgery and work for us to free everybody to write, play, enjoy life, and finally one of us – maybe just one – will have a chance at the new Hamlet or the next King Lear. Simple really. 

Even newer blog names

As a follow-on to my earlier piece on new blog names, here’s some more:

Bludgeon: A blog that thinks being crude and angry will convince people

Blade: A very sharp blog, full of witty, cutting asides

Blow: An awful blog with lewd and unusually graphic displays of human body parts

Bloody Mary: A blog devoted purely to alcohol. Closely associated to a bleery and can look like a blur to the reader. There are more of these than is strictly healthy.

Blimey: A posting that makes you think “not many people know that”.

Bloomer: A blog that keeps getting better with age.

Bloat: A blog loaded down with huge graphics being downloaded over a 28k modem. Or the feeling one gets after posting a blodge. Ugh.

Blouse: A frilly, pink-coloured bling.

Bligger: Blog that coat-tails off other popular blogs. Turns up at blogs uninvited and doesn’t bring anything to the party.

New blog names

In the wonderful world of blogs, there are many different kinds. The only rule is, those new words must all begin with “bl”:

Blink: A very, very short blog post, so short, if you blink it’s gone

Blong: A blog that takes forever to read because of all the comments attached. Pronounced “belong”, as in the readers all belong to the post.

Bling: A very fancy blog, with lots of funny text and bouncing images etc.

Blah: An angry posting, just used to vent rage against the world

Blubber: Crying over your misfortunes online. Sad.

Blabber: A mix between a blah and a blubber. Doubly sad.

Blush: A blog entry that one comes to regret later with dread.

Blip: A blinky blush.

Blag: A blog with attitude

Blast: A fun blog

Bleery: A drunken entry. (Normally you’d say bad spelling is the giveaway to identifying a bleery, but on the web that rule doesn’t work…)

Blame: A lame blog

Blimp: A very lame blog

Blur: The way any blog looks when the reader is drunk

Blue: A rude blog

Blogerospasm: Inability to stop blogging

Blodge: A stodgy blog

Hello, welcome to my blog.

Gee, here it is, my first ever blog post. No one will be reading, or will they? (Existential dilemma no. 1 – am I alone in this “universe”?)

Funny thought No. 1: if I thought someone was looking over my shoulder as I write these words, then I’d almost die of embarassment. Like they were reading my inner thoughts. Or catching me peeing into a garden late at night. Or being caught looking at a girl’s breasts for too long. But if someone reads it when I’m finished, why should I feel any different? Hmmm…dunno.

Okay, some ground rules for this, my first and probably only blog. First rule is, I have no single topic that I’d like to write on. My mind wanders too much for that. I am amazed when people can spend months or years writing complex blogs about the uppercase (char) routine in Visual Basic, or the exact composition of the soil in the wine-growing Chateau-neuf-de-pape region of France. Or whatever. In fact, I get amazed they can do it for more than 10 minutes frankly. However, that doesn’t mean that I don’t admire these people, or even envy them. It’s just that I cannot be like them. So, my blog will wander off in all sorts of random ways that even I cannot predict now. That breaks the rule all those “how to make money blogging” guides tell you to follow. Who cares?

My second rule will be: I will try and avoid obscenities, rudeness, racist remarks, sexist remarks, and other obvious offensive language. It’s not because I’m prudish or PC. It’s because 1) I’m past all that, 2) I think it’s unedifying and boring, 3) It doesn’t add anything new, and 4) There are times it offends gratuitously.

My third rule is: This blog is for me and me only. If anybody else ever reads it I’ll be amazed.

My last rule: Have fun.