I keep getting some astonishing spam coming into my comments box. Luckily, Akismet does a great job of blocking them out. But they are insanely and incredibly offensive. I feel I am like Dr. Alfred Kinsey stumbling into some den of iniquity, where dark sexual shadows lurk, like the forbidden fruit of Eden, tempting strangers passing by with their promises of illicit and dangerous liaisons. Or Marquis de Sade, slavering over his latest sexual invention. Every form of sexual expression (Freud called them ‘polymorphously perverse’), from bestiality to orgies and beyond, is included. It is a testament to the human mind’s vast range of desires and sexual needs.
The spam (if you’ve never seen it) consists of pathetic opening statements which represent their senders as naive or innocent. The main body of the spam consists of what seem to be random sexual phrases hyperlinked to pages of porn. Among the incredibly obscene hyperlinks included (way too obscene to repeat) are the very strange ones such as “intercourse after hip replacment” and “donate leftover latex paint” (!!?) and “husband bitter about decreased libido”. And those are the most mild ones.
The comment attached is hilariously inept: “Hi, I’m novice here. Your forum is full of usefull information. But I can’t undestand, what is wrong with my messages – when previewing it I see some URLs that leeds to adult pages. Yes, sites seem to be very intersing, but I’ll better use google to find such a sites. Could you please advice me how to recover the problem. Maybe it’s a virus? Or maybe it’s a feature of your forums? Please, do not delete my message. Maybe you advice me something and it will help others if they have the same trouble. ”
I love the bit where he says “maybe it’s a feature of your forums?” As if. And to describe the sites as “intersing” (sic) is putting it mildly!
Honestly, I know spam is utterly annoying. But it can also be an insight into the human mind. Dr. Kinsey or Signmund Freud would have been delighted.
Sailing to Byzantium 
Tony D said,
August 22, 2007 at 11:57 pm
I just dont believe in spam. Spam is not good. Spam is bad. I dont even like Spam. Spam should be banned. Who needs Spam anyway.
Now wear did I put that Turban?
David said,
August 23, 2007 at 3:30 am
But, I love Spam …
Why, until you mentioned it, it hadn’t even crossed my mind. Then I went to look in My Dashboard, and sure enough, there were 33 items in the Akismet Spam Catcher Thingy. Here’s one gem I pulled out:
“xipos jakyfuvi gakma”
What’s not to love about that? You’ve got xipos, you’ve got jakyfuvi, and then you’ve got the gakma. My God. Does it get any better? It’s like swimming in alphabet soup. Really, really HOT alphabet soup, and your swimsuit’s fallen off. AND IT BURNS.
shazgood said,
August 23, 2007 at 5:18 pm
Here’s the kind of insane crap I get. What language is it written in? As you say David, what’s not to love about “ducks that false negative”, or “Chinese heroin department operating fractured pelvis”!!
“Through activation the variation aggrastat establish the aggrenox mutations that agomelatine signalling. Ducks that false negative akineton border lines akton policies. Sites of latter would alanine attribut substance adefovir evaluation. Problems of nature of ademetionine the criteria adipex-p tract. Many tort the species optimal immune adoxa work. Hasegawa et start now adrafinil often than adrenalin drink. Chinese heroin department operating fractured pelvis adriamycin serum. Greenleaf and major local adrucil of whom advair spending. We thus increase in advicor personnel had advil employers loss phagosome.”
David said,
August 24, 2007 at 2:01 am
Shit shazgood, I’m jealous of your spam! It even contains brand names!